I love the trend of selecting a word that captures your intention for the year. So simple but so powerful.
That being said, the word I chose for 2019 is the word “Dream.” (I’m having flashbacks to my 16-year old self by choosing this particular word… I’m pretty sure I had a bright pink sparkly “Dream” bumper sticker on the back of my first car -yikes!) Even if it is a little cliche, I think it is a really perfect word for me for right now.
The last year, I feel like so many of my dreams fell apart. Both the dreams I was living, and the dreams I had for the future. I had a happy, whole family. A loving, best-friend of a partner. I recently had become a stay-at-home mom and I LOVED it. Every second of it. We had zero debt except for a small mortgage which we were aiming to pay off in a few years. We lived in an adorable house we had worked really hard to renovate. We were slowly hunting for just the right house to make our forever home. Most people don’t know this, but I was actually in the process of starting up my own interior decorating business as well. Life as I knew it was pretty darn good. In so many ways I was living my dream. All of our hard work was JUST starting to pay off, when WHAM, it all fell apart. My husbands illness took over. I moved across the state with the kids. I went back to work full-time. Everything changed seemingly overnight.
Obviously my life as I knew it took a huge hit, but all the sudden so did my dreams for the future. And that’s just as hard, if not harder to process… All of the sudden there were no more family outings or family trips with the five of us. All of the sudden there was no more being home with the kids as they got home from school or spending long summer days at the pool and the park. All of the sudden there was no more freedom to explore my passion for design and dreams of entrepreneurship. All of the sudden there were no more romantic getaways and no more dreams of holding hands as we rocked on rocking chairs at age 95. And that’s just the very tip of the iceberg.
It felt like not only did I lose my dreams, but everything I wanted was replaced with something I NEVER wanted. I can’t even go there.
It’s hard to swallow.
And since things fell apart, I’ve mostly been in survival mode. It’s been 99.9% about making things stable and just keeping things going day to day. I’ve landed us in a good spot where we are happy, healthy, safe, and secure (and for that, I am BEYOND grateful), but the future has also felt like a weird combination of more of the same routine and a completely blank slate. While I’m thankful for all we have and where we are now, I also have always been a big dreamer and a very goal oriented person. I’m finally to the point where I feel like it’s time to lift my head a little bit, start to think more about the future, and DREAM some new dreams. What would I do right now if anything were possible? What would I really love my life to look like? My boys childhoods? What is the most wonderful, beautiful vision I can create for myself from here?
And most importantly, do I trust that God can still do amazing things with my life? Small things AND big things?
I want to think anything is still possible and that if I can dream it, it can happen! What those dreams are? I honestly haven’t thought through it in depth at this point yet, but I will keep you posted as they start to formulate.
Also, one little last note on the subject… I found this necklace at “The Giving Keys” . It is a delicate gold necklace with a teeny tiny key on it with the word “dream.” I just find it helps to have a little token as a reminder of my intention! Next best thing to a bright pink bumper sticker! :)